tired

Choosing the Pouring Out

“I almost wish I’d break something so I could get a break.”

That’s what I said the other day. It was selfish. It was spontaneous. But it was true.

Breaks are sometimes hard to come by.

Later I found myself in Matthew 26.

“Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table.” 

How can I keep pouring when I feel empty?

“And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, ‘Why this waste? For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor’.” 

How can I keep pouring when it seems like a waste?

“But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, ‘Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me. In pouring this ointment on my body, she has done it to prepare me for burial.”

How can I NOT keep pouring when Jesus calls it beautiful?

Every day I have the chance to say I “get to” (grace) instead of I “have to” (law).

Every day I have the chance to offer something beautiful to my Savior.

Because of grace and a Savior’s eyes that see beauty when I see broken, we offer all of ourselves…poured out…over and over again.

“Truly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will also be told in memory of her.”

And HE says…not an ounce of it is in vain.

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Sometimes it really does seem worth it!

 

 

 

 

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None Could Be Just Enough…

Well, 6 out of 7 have dropped sick since June 1. Jeremy is still standing strong. Me…not so much.

I felt so tired and burned out a couple weeks ago that I carelessly threw out to Jeremy, “Maybe I’ll get sick and have to lay in bed.” Sounds terrible. But that’s where I was.

Well, God heard me. Made good on my request. And now I’m realizing how foolish I am.

Being healthy is a blessing. Being tired could be one too. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

I was missing it.

The little chalkboard sign in the kitchen got changed yesterday. I snapped this picture at lunch…

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Can you read it? “Today is the last like this.” (Ann Voskamp)

Nothing in this day will ever be replicated exactly like today. The orange juice will be less full. Those pickles will most likely be gone. My Caleb will keep growing.

And the only way to slow it down is to stop. Make myself like a huge boulder in a river and settle into the wet soil. Watch it all. Feel it all.

That’s what God’s been doing this week. Stopping me in my tracks.

Reminding me that He showed Himself most strong when He became weak. The resurrection came after the cross.

Living weak may be the best way to live like Him. Then I have no choice but to be filled…poured out…again and again and again.

One perfectly created day at a time.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:1,2)

 

 

Mommy Excuses

Jonathan asks for juice. My response, “In a minute.” Stephen asks me to play basketball with him. My response, “I’m too tired.”

The other day Jonathan snapped back with, “I don’t want to wait a minute.” Because in his little mind he knows that a minute means multiple minutes. In fact, it may mean Mommy’s just hoping he forgets.

The other day Stephen snapped back with, “Why are you always tired?” Because in his 7 year old mind he knows that being tired is Mommy’s way of telling him that playing basketball is inconvenient at the moment.

I love these boys. We do fun things together. But there are times when I’m just downright not in the mood. There are times when I just don’t want to be bothered or asked for another thing. There are times when I just want everyone to chill out and leave me alone. There are times when I would like a break from being a Mom.

I’m so thankful God’s not this way with me. He’s never inconvenienced and always willingly listens. He hears me ramble. He hears me whine. He hears me question everything He’s called me to. But He keeps loving. He keeps offering me grace.

And on those days when being a Mom AGAIN seems so overwhelming, I can tell Him about it. He won’t say “in a minute.” He won’t say he’s “too tired.” He’ll listen and offer me sweet grace all over again!