Adoption

A new book is coming!

I’ve been silent on here lately for 1 pretty huge reason.

It’s taking all my spare time and extra thoughts.

…A new book is in the works!…

If you’ve followed this blog for long, you probably remember the depths of spiritual warfare and low moments we faced from 2012-2014 while waiting for Esther’s adoption.

There were times during that journey when things looked hopeless as the waiting dragged on and on.

But God was faithful (always). He refreshed me continually with one word. 

Hope.

I studied and studied hope during those years. I wrote what I learned. 

And now I’m putting it out there for you to read.

Not because it’s amazing. Not because I want you reading my journal. 

But because God has changed me through hope. He’s refreshed and encouraged. He’s stretched me. He’s comforted.

Here’s a small excerpt from the intro…

“I have written this book as a reflection of my  own life. Yes, I talk about our adoption journey, but this is ultimately not an adoption book. I also write as a homeschooling mom, but this is not a homeschooling book. If you’ve ever questioned God’s sovereignty in the middle of your suffering or ever found yourself feeling hopeless in the middle of life’s hardships, I believe this  book is for you!”

So I’d covet your prayers…Hope in the Middle releases on Tuesday, October 10.

You’ll be able to buy it through Amazon or my blog…in print ($10) or on Kindle ($7).

(And I may even have a pre-release coming up for you tomorrow!)

Trusting God will graciously use this book to weave hope into the broken parts of all of us! Thank you for praying!

“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” (Psalm 39:7)

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Writing…I love it. Editing…not so much!

 

 

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3 Years Ago Today…

These are the words from my journal 3 years ago today…

In the waiting room. A hospital we’ve never been before. Me not in pain. Not pushing through contractions.

But facing fear that’s fighting faith. And battling something like labor but different enough to deserve another name.

Thankful. Excited. Humbled. The right word won’t come to mind.

Like the ignorant way I feel when thinking about Christ’s love. There will never be words.

Never.

This is all unexplainable. All grace. He is so faithful.

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“In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” (Ephesians 1:4b-6)

And now…on her 3rd birthday…it all still seems like grace.

Thanks M…You are still the bravest person I know. We love you!

Happy birthday Esther Grace!

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 “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” (John 1:16)

 

 

 

 

Open Adoption & Love

Esther and I were reading a book before bed. Then this thought…I love you enough to have had you. To have gotten big. And uncomfortable. And to have went through all the pain of bringing a baby into this world.

Then another thought…But I don’t love you enough to do what  your birthmom did.

I’m not sure that makes sense.

To the end of my days…as I watch Esther grow…no matter how our special open adoption plays out…I will always believe that Esther’s birthmom has a love for her that I will never understand.

It’s a love different that mine. Braver maybe. Willing to give up more maybe. A love I am struggling to describe.

And she handed her to us. Trusted us. Believed we would love her. Cuddle her. Read to her.

And we do…more than my heart can handle.

In the story of Esther’s already amazing life, I can’t forget her birthmom’s role. Won’t forget. What she did. How she carried her. Chose life. Then loved her enough to let me be her Mom.

It was God’s plan. And she was brave enough to follow love down the hard path.

If I thought adoption meant we were doing something speical…boy was I wrong.

If I thought the Gospel was about me doing something special…wrong again.

It’s all because of Him. All because of the cross. All because of His love.

And sometimes love does hard things. And sometimes love reads books.

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For M’s privacy I cropped this but see those hands holding tightly? Love…

“Be strong and brave”…Today

The microwave clock blinks blue-4:41. It’s too early. I’m fighting the sleep and exhaustion from 2 unexpected visits to babies’ rooms. But I must write this to you. Now. For some reason.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

Ya’ll, He’s so close. Always there. Wherever we go. Even when we don’t want to.

I’ve been here and here. It’s been ugly. He’s been faithful.

Yesterday I held her as we rocked. And I whispered outloud, “Let’s stay  here, Esther. Let’s let the world move on by us.” Holding her is grace. It reminds me of His constant presence.

I don’t have many answers. Usually, I’m the first to say, “This just sucks.” But I know one thing, God keeps His promises.

He never leaves us.

He’s only loving us.

There is a world of perfection waiting for us.

Serving Him only makes sense.

How could I doubt the love of a Father Who gave His Son for us?

How could I doubt Cross love?

“Be strong and brave.” Today. Just this moment. He is close.

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Abortion & Adoption

I was driving the other day and saw this bumper sticker. I googled it so you could see…

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It’s so simple. I’d never thought of it before. But could those 2 words be more similar?

The abortion topic is a tricky one. My hands feel tied. The thought of those sweet babies…oh I can’t even type it.

But adoption could be part of the answer. Couldn’t it?

Nope, not everyone is called to adopt, but I believe more people are than have responded to the call.

Jeremy and I knew we were called to adopt for years. We kept waiting for the “right time.” We wanted…1-our kids to be older, 2-to save up more money, 3-to do a little more research. Those were wise thoughts, but they quickly became excuses.

We prayed about timing, and one day I came across this song. (You can skip to 3:00 if you don’t want to hear his explanation.). And finally, we said no more waiting. We went for it and trusted God (most days!) to lead us.

Now there’s this precious mocha chic with crazy hair who has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. She dances. She kisses. She has a smile that lights up a room. She was the one. She was worth the wait.

I have learned more about God’s grace and love through Esther Grace than in any other way throughout my life.

So pray about it. Then go for it. The journey may be hard, but…wow…God is faithful!

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“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)