Adoption

3 Years Ago Today…

These are the words from my journal 3 years ago today…

In the waiting room. A hospital we’ve never been before. Me not in pain. Not pushing through contractions.

But facing fear that’s fighting faith. And battling something like labor but different enough to deserve another name.

Thankful. Excited. Humbled. The right word won’t come to mind.

Like the ignorant way I feel when thinking about Christ’s love. There will never be words.

Never.

This is all unexplainable. All grace. He is so faithful.

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“In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.” (Ephesians 1:4b-6)

And now…on her 3rd birthday…it all still seems like grace.

Thanks M…You are still the bravest person I know. We love you!

Happy birthday Esther Grace!

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 “For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” (John 1:16)

 

 

 

 

Open Adoption & Love

Esther and I were reading a book before bed. Then this thought…I love you enough to have had you. To have gotten big. And uncomfortable. And to have went through all the pain of bringing a baby into this world.

Then another thought…But I don’t love you enough to do what  your birthmom did.

I’m not sure that makes sense.

To the end of my days…as I watch Esther grow…no matter how our special open adoption plays out…I will always believe that Esther’s birthmom has a love for her that I will never understand.

It’s a love different that mine. Braver maybe. Willing to give up more maybe. A love I am struggling to describe.

And she handed her to us. Trusted us. Believed we would love her. Cuddle her. Read to her.

And we do…more than my heart can handle.

In the story of Esther’s already amazing life, I can’t forget her birthmom’s role. Won’t forget. What she did. How she carried her. Chose life. Then loved her enough to let me be her Mom.

It was God’s plan. And she was brave enough to follow love down the hard path.

If I thought adoption meant we were doing something speical…boy was I wrong.

If I thought the Gospel was about me doing something special…wrong again.

It’s all because of Him. All because of the cross. All because of His love.

And sometimes love does hard things. And sometimes love reads books.

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For M’s privacy I cropped this but see those hands holding tightly? Love…

Abortion & Adoption

I was driving the other day and saw this bumper sticker. I googled it so you could see…

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It’s so simple. I’d never thought of it before. But could those 2 words be more similar?

The abortion topic is a tricky one. My hands feel tied. The thought of those sweet babies…oh I can’t even type it.

But adoption could be part of the answer. Couldn’t it?

Nope, not everyone is called to adopt, but I believe more people are than have responded to the call.

Jeremy and I knew we were called to adopt for years. We kept waiting for the “right time.” We wanted…1-our kids to be older, 2-to save up more money, 3-to do a little more research. Those were wise thoughts, but they quickly became excuses.

We prayed about timing, and one day I came across this song. (You can skip to 3:00 if you don’t want to hear his explanation.). And finally, we said no more waiting. We went for it and trusted God (most days!) to lead us.

Now there’s this precious mocha chic with crazy hair who has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. She dances. She kisses. She has a smile that lights up a room. She was the one. She was worth the wait.

I have learned more about God’s grace and love through Esther Grace than in any other way throughout my life.

So pray about it. Then go for it. The journey may be hard, but…wow…God is faithful!

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“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)

Good Friday & First Birthdays

It’s Good Friday. It’s Esther’s first birthday. And neither makes sense. I wonder at the Good in Good Friday. I wonder at the miracle of this day last year.

Good Friday brought sacrifice. Jesus gave up His life for us.

Esther’s birth brought sacrifice. Her birthmom gave her to us.

Both compelled by love. Both willing to say yes when it was the hardest choice in the world.

All day I’ve fought tears. She’s toddled around, sported a birthday tiara, and wore the dress her birthmom made her.

There’s just so much overwhelming grace on this day. There’s so much Gospel all around.

We’ll celebrate His resurrection on Sunday. It’s been thousands of years. Today we celebrate the gift of Esther Grace. It’s been a year.

So humbly, with words that don’t do my heart justice, I say thank you. Thank You, Father, for sending us Your Son. What a perfect gift for undeserving us. Thank you, “M,” for trusting us with Esther. We are undeserving of this precious little girl.

Much love…

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

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Infertility, Fertility, & Adoption

Let me clarify 2 things off the bat:
1-We’ve never struggled with infertility.
2-Not everyone is called to adopt.

But here’s what I do know. Something Jeremy and I have talked about lots in recent weeks…There is a special love you have for a child you adopt.

It’s not greater than the love you have for biological children. It’s not less. Just different.

Strong. Emotional. Indescribable. Real.

I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but it moves me to tears nearly every day.

I’ve birthed 3 babies. I’ve adopted 1. And this I can say with confidence…

Women who struggle with infertility-Don’t worry that you’ll miss something if you never birth kids and choose the path of adoption. You won’t. In fact, I’m wondering if it could be the other way around.

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
(Psalm 139:1-6 ESV)

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