It’s nearly midnight. I may never push publish. But I’m writing. Wondering what you will think.
The other day I googled “I hate being a Mom.” Please don’t send me hate mail.
I love my kids. I do. I would do anything for them.
There are people who long to have kids and can’t. There are those who have lost kids. I’m not discrediting that pain. I can’t imagine.
But I must be real. There are long days here. Really long ones. We’ve covered up this pain far too long with our Facebook pics, “I’m fines,” and cute outfits.
Can I be real? Am I alone?
You see…it’s not the kids that I’m “hating,” it’s myself. It’s the pressure I lay on thick. It’s the way I dread fixing another breakfast and changing another diaper and stopping another fight. Because I’ll never do it just right.
You aren’t the problem. I’m not worried about what you will say. It’s me. The “good mom” inside me that is constantly saying, “You are messing up.”
I can’t be all things to all of them. And if I try you’ll tag me as “helicopter parenting.” But if I don’t try I’ll tag myself as a failure.
Parenting is physically draining. It’s pouring out and going beyond. It’s loving and meeting needs and sacrificing. And somehow it’s an honor too.
But He’s patient. He takes me in His arms. Holds me close. Listens to me whine and do unnecessary Google searches. “My approval is all You need. Accept you will fail. You already have. And let me fill you. Carve out time. Let me speak. Be still. Rest. I went to the cross for you. You are so loved.”
Maybe this post will officially push me into the crazy category. Maybe you’ll unfollow this blog. But it needs to be said. We need to hear it. And if confessing my questions and struggles nudges you toward Him then so be it.
Under grace there is no condemnation.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
He no longer condemns us. We can stop condemning ourselves.
Friend, fellow Mom, you are loved. Today may be long. You may want to crawl back in bed and pull the covers up tight. But He is close. He is loving You. And He calls You His own.
“God, may I please You in my parenting today…not myself.”
Today let’s parent under grace.
“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” (Isaiah 40:28-31)
Just a typical day in the boys’ room!