Shattered…I’m asking for prayer

2 things you must know:

1-I have no intention of making this blog heavy. I also have no intention of being fake. So I will post the ugly truth, and if you avoid me as a depressed, needy person I will understand.

2-I have something to share with you but can’t give many details. Just know that I am begging you for prayer.

This week God has wrecked me. Wrecked me.

I have been broken before. But broken is no longer strong enough. I am shattered. My heart into a million, little pieces.

To clarify somewhat, this is adoption related. Deep stuff. Painful stuff. Decisions I never dreamed of making. More waiting. More sleepless nights. More tears.

Have I mentioned yet that adoption is hard? Right now that is an understatement.

Here’s my journal; a prayer to God…

“I guess it was another chance for me to draw close to You. That should be reason enough. But my flesh battles it. The purging seems constant. Can I say to my loving God that I’m getting weary of it? Weary of hope being shattered. Forgive me. I need You to face this once again. I need you to be enough-always. I need to trust that You love me more than I believe in this moment. Be near. I’m desperate for You.”

So today, as I force myself to face whatever is ahead, I must choose to drop what God has said drop. I must not try to open closed doors. I must also be humble enough to stop making a God thing into a human thing. I may never really understand His ways.

Whatever you are facing; whatever you may face…claim Psalm 56:8-

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”

Thank you for praying.

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5 comments

  1. Tiffany, I feel I have no words to comfort your shattered heart because I have never walked the journey of adoption. My heart aches for you though. I don’t humanly understand why God wouldn’t drop a baby in the arms of parents who desire so badly to love a parentless child. However, I do know that God ways are higher than our ways and He knows the future of each person’s life and how it will all work together for His glory. I know you already know that in your head but your heart is still broken. I will pray with you everyday that God shows Himself real to you, comforts you, and opens the perfect door for your family’s adoption of a precious child. Lots of Hugs!!!

    1. Thank you Christy! I am coveting those prayers. Even in the pain, I rejoice knowing how God is going to move. And how so many people, like you, are gonna rejoice with us when God brings a sweet baby our way. It’s tough right now. Some days I don’t think I can keep going and really just want a way out. But I have to believe He is faithful. Thank you for the encouragement. It means so much!!! Miss you guys!

  2. Tiff, please know that God has a plan for you. Too bad or really is a good thing we are not in control of it. It was so hard to watch Kim and Ken struggle for 14 1/2 years but at the end of the journey it was all so worth it. I want more than anything for your child to come home but God has other plans right now. We do not know what they are but we will one day and look back and say God, why did I doubt You. I have been watching some of the adoption shows and I see how hard it is for the birth families and the adoptive familes, especially when minds are changed. Advice to you (that I also should follow is) Let go and Let God. I always wanted many grandchildren but Saturday I saw a family with 7 grandchildren and I said “your quiver is full”. Then I looked at Claire and God said so is yours. I will continue to keep you in my prayers for as long as it takes. Love you, miss you.

    1. Thank you Diane! That helps! It’s so hard to trust God’s plan, especially when they seem to change so quickly and not pan out to what we expected. Keep praying. We could definitely use it right now. Love ya!

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