2 things you must know:
1-I have no intention of making this blog heavy. I also have no intention of being fake. So I will post the ugly truth, and if you avoid me as a depressed, needy person I will understand.
2-I have something to share with you but can’t give many details. Just know that I am begging you for prayer.
This week God has wrecked me. Wrecked me.
I have been broken before. But broken is no longer strong enough. I am shattered. My heart into a million, little pieces.
To clarify somewhat, this is adoption related. Deep stuff. Painful stuff. Decisions I never dreamed of making. More waiting. More sleepless nights. More tears.
Have I mentioned yet that adoption is hard? Right now that is an understatement.
Here’s my journal; a prayer to God…
“I guess it was another chance for me to draw close to You. That should be reason enough. But my flesh battles it. The purging seems constant. Can I say to my loving God that I’m getting weary of it? Weary of hope being shattered. Forgive me. I need You to face this once again. I need you to be enough-always. I need to trust that You love me more than I believe in this moment. Be near. I’m desperate for You.”
So today, as I force myself to face whatever is ahead, I must choose to drop what God has said drop. I must not try to open closed doors. I must also be humble enough to stop making a God thing into a human thing. I may never really understand His ways.
Whatever you are facing; whatever you may face…claim Psalm 56:8-
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”
Thank you for praying.