The “But” First

I’m quick to apologize to our boys. It’s one of the few things I “get right” (mainly because I screw up and have to apologize so much). I realized the other day how even in my apologizing I’m attempting to justify myself. Here’s how it goes…

“Stephen, I’m sorry I spoke in anger towards you…BUT…you need to stop annoying Caleb.”

Did you catch the “but?” It was after I apologized. I should have just said…

“Stephen, I’m sorry I spoke in anger towards you…BUT…it’s really your fault. If you would leave Caleb alone then I’d be the perfect Mom I’m trying to be.”

So sad…even in apologizing to the boys, I refuse to accept that Christ’s goodness in place of my sin is enough. I’m still trying to prove myself and forgetting that “my righteousness is as filthy rags.”

If I could script out a better way to apologize, here’s how it would go…

“Stephen, you were wrong to annoy Caleb…BUT…Mommy was wrong to speak in anger towards you. I need God’s grace as much as anyone. Will you forgive me?”

Will this change my justification status before God? No. Christ has already solidified that on the cross. But it will at least point Stephen to the fact that Mommy is desperate for grace.

A grace that is changing me. A grace that can change him. I’m so thankful!

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