I broke down the other day. I cried. No, I ugly cried. Jeremy just listened even though my ramblings started with, “You won’t understand.” And then I ended my snotty, sobfest with, “It’s just…this STUPID adoption.” Yep, I called the adoption stupid. Can I admit I feel like that sometimes? Ugh, I get so frustrated. I’m real yuck at trusting.
Looking back on the messiness of that moment, I realized that “stupid” basically means I’m not getting my way; things aren’t playing out as I had thought. “Stupid” to me means I am not content with the way God is showing me grace. It means I would rather play God than let Him be in control.
And the beautiful thing is that He keeps showering me with grace, even when I don’t look, even when I label what He’s doing as stupid. Thank You, Father.