The Bare Truth…A Funk

How about an off the cuff, unplanned blog post.  That’s a little scary for type-A me to write but in an attempt to be real, to bare the truth, here goes…

Lately I’ve been in a funk.  Maybe the term spiritual warfare would be more appropriate.  I’ve heard people talk about adoption this way and kinda brushed off their words.  But now, in this time of waiting, I understand.  I’m there.

All the paperwork has been done and now, well, I can’t go out and buy maternity clothes.  For that matter, I can’t even take a pregnancy test.  I know a baby is coming, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  Nothing.

My flesh gets so frustrated.  God, this is Your will, right?  Then it seems like we’ve waited long enough.  Shouldn’t we get a referral soon.  How about immediately?  I know, I know…all you positive people out there will tell me I’ve barely waited and that it will happen.  True, of course.

But so often I collapse inward, not upward.  I try to assume I know what’s best, and my timing is perfect.  I work myself weary to the bones trying to love on our boys extra hard just in case we do get a referral soon, and their life is turned upside down.

I’m wearing myself out…emotionally and physically.

It’s warfare…and it stinks.

My claim verse, my go to…James 1:17- “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

This is a good gift that we are going to be given.  It will come from above.  It must come from above.  Every day I feel like I change, my moods, my attitude, my hopes.  But Him, not at all.  There is “no variation or shadow due to change.”

Father, “Give me grace to trust what you say.”

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4 comments

  1. I feel like I understand. I could never understand why God did not give me the grandchild I so desired. It was hard to watch Kim and Ken go through years of struggling with wanting a baby. Now I understand God’s plan. His ways are always perfect but it is really hard waiting on His ways. Somewhere out there there is the perfect little person just for your family but you want more then anything for it to be the right one. You are truly in my prayers and so is that little one and her birth parents. And yes I do understand. Love you Tiff.

    1. Thanks Diane! I know you understand! What a precious miracle Claire is. She reminds me how powerful God’s plans and timing are! Thank you!

  2. Thanks. Your blogging is encouraging me to be more real in my blogging efforts. Loved Julie’s comment on FB. Glad you know the truth and are reminding yourself of it through God’s Word.

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