How about an off the cuff, unplanned blog post. That’s a little scary for type-A me to write but in an attempt to be real, to bare the truth, here goes…
Lately I’ve been in a funk. Maybe the term spiritual warfare would be more appropriate. I’ve heard people talk about adoption this way and kinda brushed off their words. But now, in this time of waiting, I understand. I’m there.
All the paperwork has been done and now, well, I can’t go out and buy maternity clothes. For that matter, I can’t even take a pregnancy test. I know a baby is coming, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Nothing.
My flesh gets so frustrated. God, this is Your will, right? Then it seems like we’ve waited long enough. Shouldn’t we get a referral soon. How about immediately? I know, I know…all you positive people out there will tell me I’ve barely waited and that it will happen. True, of course.
But so often I collapse inward, not upward. I try to assume I know what’s best, and my timing is perfect. I work myself weary to the bones trying to love on our boys extra hard just in case we do get a referral soon, and their life is turned upside down.
I’m wearing myself out…emotionally and physically.
It’s warfare…and it stinks.
My claim verse, my go to…James 1:17- “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
This is a good gift that we are going to be given. It will come from above. It must come from above. Every day I feel like I change, my moods, my attitude, my hopes. But Him, not at all. There is “no variation or shadow due to change.”
Father, “Give me grace to trust what you say.”