Grace Isn’t Working…

1 Oct

Grace just doesn’t seem to be working. I find myself slipping back into law. “No Kindle for you.” “No dessert after dinner.” It quickly becomes a rules/consequences home without me even realizing it.

I’m running from 1 baby to another, and the 3 older boys get leftovers. I don’t have time for the heart to hearts. It’s a quick jab, “Caleb, please stop doing that.” And if it continues then law follows.

I feel disappointed in myself as I write this. Satan waltzes in and empties me with words like “failure, hypocrite, fool.” I want to fight him but I don’t. I agree. Shake my head that yes, I am all of those things and more.

“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6a)

I have nothing to offer our kids but grace. I’m a sinner. No good. Looking to law to justify myself and save them.


“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to stop the crazy with 2 babies in order to deal with the sin that comes out of my older boys’ hearts. I don’t know what can change to make time for these necessary conversations.

But I can face today knowing that His grace is bigger than my law. My failure to obey the law is why grace is so big. And so ridiculous. And the only thing that will change me and the 5 little people that call me Mommy.

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It’s how he rolls!=)

He just keeps loving…

21 Sep

It’s true that I’ve not posted in nearly a month. No excuses.

I’ve been overwhelmed by your support with our “book release” and didn’t know how to adequately say thank you. Honestly, we are amazed that people are reading it. God has been so faithful.

On a personal, side note we moved into our new home late last week. It’s been kinda crazy to say the least.

And the Summit’s Alamance Campus launches this coming Sunday (at 9:30 at Hawfields Middle School). We are so excited!

I’m writing this now sitting in our living room. There are no curtains. No living room furniture. Just us. And right now lots of quiet…Jeremy’s out and the kids are asleep.

And I’m so thankful. For a God who just keeps loving.

Ya’ll, there’s some pain right now. In the lives of some people we love. I just called my Mom boo-hooing. Even now my eyes sting from the tears.

We are currently in a semi-quiet spot. But others aren’t. They’re fighting giants. And asking questions. And God seems nowhere close. I want to say that yes, He’s there. But it feels so wrong. Because sometimes life spirals and God feels far.

Fear and faith always battle for my soul. Trials come. Fear comes. And faith fights back. Fights hard to remind us that God is only good. Nothing ever surprises Him. And we can believe it because of the cross. We can see His arms outstretched for us and believe that He loves us. Right now. No matter where we are. No matter what’s going on.

Tonight…I just need to type this…God is only good. Only. And He is so merciful and gracious, even in our questions.

“I will recount the steadfast love of the Lordthe praises of the Lordaccording to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” (Isaiah 63:7)

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Just keeping it real for you!=)

“Our Storm”…It’s finally a book!

27 Aug

Okay…here goes what all this week’s hype was about-

Some of you know about the wreck our family had back in 2007 (8 years ago today). The one that I rarely talk about where Jeremy went into a coma, Stephen nearly died, and we spent way too much time in the hospital. Yeah, the one I am quick to give God glory for but the same one that I had counseling for just over a year ago.

Okay, so while Jeremy and I were laying immobile for weeks we wrote a manuscript of the events that had happened. We were scared we would forget them throughout the years and for Stephen’s sake, we didn’t want that to happen. In 2008, on the 1 year anniversary of the wreck, we gave a copy to our families and some close friends. There’s some pretty personal stuff in there, and we were careful who we shared it with. Plus, it’s pretty raw-grammatically and emotionally. My goodness, we were still in casts and stuff when we started it.

Fast forward to the other week. Since I’m “not busy at all right now” (all lies!) I decided it was time to get the manuscript off my computer and into book form. I doubted any publisher would want it, so I went the self-publish through Amazon way. It hasn’t been super easy, and I’m confident that even after reading it a million times and submitting 9 revisions, there are still grammar issues and spacing weirdness.

Regardless, it’s done. You can read it. And I won’t feel bad anymore when people say, “You should write a book.”

Ya’ll, it’s so bare-boned. I can’t read it without crying. It makes me feel vulnerable even knowing you could have it in your hands or on your Kindle at this very moment. But I also know that those words, from 8 years, are Holy Spirit breathed. He led us to write and for some reason I believe He’s leading us to let others read it right now.

So it’s out there. You can get it here on Kindle or as a paperback (forgive the simple cover).

Pray with me that God would somehow use this simple little book we’ve titled “Our Storm.” Pray that He would glorify Himself all over again. And believe that God is so, so faithful. He is only good. He is full of grace. He loved us enough to send His Son to the cross. He will love us through whatever we face.

Sigh…happy reading!

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,and the flame shall not consume you.” (Isaiah 43: 1b,2)


Teaser # 3-Tomorrow’s the Day!

26 Aug

Here’s the last teaser! Tomorrow is Thursday, and I’m so stinkin’ excited. Well, mainly nervous and relieved and all things…have I lost my mind!=) And honestly worried if it will even be done. Oh technology, you are stressing me out!

“The next few days, weeks, and even months held more than anyone could ever write. There were good days and, of course, there were very trying days. Some days Jeremy and I would smile at God’s goodness. Other days we would question all we had been through. There were still so many pieces to put together.”

Til tomorrow…


Teaser #2…We’re Getting Closer!

25 Aug

Here’s teaser number 2. Have you figured out my big secret yet? If so, I’ll warn you, Thursday’s “excitement” will not be perfect. Not even close. But I’m praying God uses it regardless!

“There sat Jeremy! His eyes were open! Tubes no longer ran from his throat. The number of monitors even looked less. His head turned back and forth as if attempting to make sense of things. It would take months for me to explain the enormity of all that had happened. For now, though, I just wanted to hear his voice.”

Til Thursday…


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