Meet Esther Grace Pollard…

15 Apr

Ya’ll…I don’t know what to say. Honestly. There are lots of tears and not enough words. Wow.

God blessed our family with Esther on Thursday, April 3 at 11:31 pm. She was 20 inches long and weighed 6lbs. 11oz.

We love her. And her birthmom. And her family. And God’s timing. Ahh…It’s all so overwhelming and beautiful.

To say we are all in love is an understatement.

Esther Grace…God’s goodness to us for such a time as this.

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” (John 1:16)

Settling down, Signing Off, Stirred

22 Feb

“Aslan is on the move.” It’s my favorite movie quote ever. Wait. Maybe “So I can kiss you anytime I want” from Sweet Alabama is my favorite. Regardless, I love that quote, and Aslan is on the move. In my heart. In our family.

So I’m signing off for a while.

Like, a couple of months type while.

I’m trusting Aslan to move. God to speak. Embracing a little simple to chase more intently after Him.

Here’s a plaque we found on our most recent letterboxing adventure…

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“I am content to fill a little space if God be glorified.” (Susanna Wesley)

Oh, how that has spoken to me.

Am I? Content? This little space in Durham? My family? I desperately want to be.

So I’m pulling away. To sit. And listen. And hear. Really hear.

I’ll journal away and save noteworthy stuff for future blog posts. And if you need me (farewell facebook and twitter and such), you can email at

Praying God speaks to all of us…even if His methods seems a little rocky.

Til April-ish…farewell!=)

“A voice cries: In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together, for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” (Isaiah 40:3-5)

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Notes from If-Part 8 (The last one!)

21 Feb

This is it…The last one. Whew! It’s from the night we got home from Texas…

I walk into Stephen’s room. It’s dark and quiet. But the Spirit speaks clearly…”Are you content if this is your ‘it’?”. What?

My it. My thing. The words of my epitaph. The calling I pour my life into. Am I content if this is my “it?”

This. This what? Mothering. Supporting. Reading books. Fixing meals. Teaching. Cleaning. Loving Jeremy. All this. The unnoticeable.

Am I content if this is my “it?”

Honestly…I have no idea. Has He increased so much and I decreased enough that any calling is a joy? Any chance to say “Yes Lord” trumps any plan I had for myself? I want to say yes. I do. But it’s all so sudden. So serious now.

No more wishing for more. Dreaming of different seasons. Staying home but most days wishing I was somewhere else. Getting irritated with the boys because I’m preoccupied living my own life. Still trying to write the story I want.

It’s a new call to surrender. To say yes. To exchange my white flag for His…no matter the color or shape.

Am I content if this is my “it?” No casual yes. I must think on this. Gut check. Heart check. Really believe that “He who has called me is faithful.”

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24)

“God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:9)

photo(27) A final throwback pic!

Notes from If-Part 7 (Failed masterpieces)

20 Feb

One more from the plane ride home…

Just moments after the sun bursts through, the sky turns pink. Like a splattering of paint. Or a twist of tye-dye. It’s unexpected. And beautiful.

When rain meets sun. When pain meets grace. When He shouts to my soul above the hum of the plane engine-”I am God. See what I make with my words. See what happens when hurts collides with love. Masterpieces.”

And I declare myself, this trip to Texas, a failed masterpiece. Redeemed because of Who He is. And how He speaks. And the way He keeps communing with this heart that wants to give up on Him.

He paints. With His blood, sweat, and tears. Masterpieces in pain. Declaring “It is finished” when the journey seems so long.

So I look at the pink. Hand Him the paintbrush one more time. And say “Your will be done.”

“…to grant to those who mourn in Zion—to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.” (Isaiah 61:3)

photo(36) Old-school Disney pic!

Notes From If-Part 6

19 Feb

On the plane home…

We get above the clouds, and the sun breaks through. No more rain. Just fresh sunlight. And the storm clouds are still there…just below us now.

All I can see is sun. Glorious. There’s always hope, because He is always there. When it rains I still know He reigns.

So I get up. He takes my hand. And I fly. Freely. Because grace is that huge. That unbelievable. So bright that I blink. Believe. Can’t deny that He is powerful. And He loves me.

Faced darkness in a tomb so I can enjoy the light of His resurrection. The glory of this God came and died for me.

So I “lift up my eyes. Where does my help come from?” The Lord. Who made the rain clouds to astonish me with the sun.

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” (Psalm 121:1,2)

photo(31) (Jonathan used to love his paci-and still loves his blankie!)

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chatting at the sky

a place for your soul to breathe


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