Grace just doesn’t seem to be working. I find myself slipping back into law. “No Kindle for you.” “No dessert after dinner.” It quickly becomes a rules/consequences home without me even realizing it.
I’m running from 1 baby to another, and the 3 older boys get leftovers. I don’t have time for the heart to hearts. It’s a quick jab, “Caleb, please stop doing that.” And if it continues then law follows.
I feel disappointed in myself as I write this. Satan waltzes in and empties me with words like “failure, hypocrite, fool.” I want to fight him but I don’t. I agree. Shake my head that yes, I am all of those things and more.
“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6a)
I have nothing to offer our kids but grace. I’m a sinner. No good. Looking to law to justify myself and save them.
“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:15)
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to stop the crazy with 2 babies in order to deal with the sin that comes out of my older boys’ hearts. I don’t know what can change to make time for these necessary conversations.
But I can face today knowing that His grace is bigger than my law. My failure to obey the law is why grace is so big. And so ridiculous. And the only thing that will change me and the 5 little people that call me Mommy.
It’s how he rolls!=)