I looked into her big brown eyes the other day, and this is what I said:
It was worth it…
-Every sleepless night
-Every worrisome day that passed by
-Every phone call that wasn’t our agency
-Every time I closed the nursery door
-Every time I rocked an invisible baby
-Every time I looked at others in envy
-Every journal entry
-Every painful step of hope God led us on
It was all worth it. You are worth it.
And God says the same thing to me. Every day. You were worth it all.
“Thus says the LORD: ‘The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you’.” (Jeremiah 31:2,3)
The first time I saw this picture I thought our family was complete…
And this little girl, well, she just lights up our home…
But sometimes God has other plans. Big plans. Perfect plans. And sometimes they show up in pictures like this…
So around February 5th that little boy will make us a family of 7. Surprised? We were! All I can say is…
“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)
The other day I read James 1:17a while giving Esther her morning bottle, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
It stuck with me after as she and I went for a morning stroll. The sun was shining. The roads were quiet.
I watched a bug scurry across the sidewalk in front of my stroller. I saw his little shadow bouncing behind. I noticed my humongus shadow moving ahead. And the verse came back to mind.
God is the “Father of lights.” He’s the Creator of the morning sun. And He is faithful. There is not even a shadow of change in Him. Not in His love for me. Or His faithfulness. Or His promises.
Later I read the following from Matthew Henry, “As the sun is the same in nature and influences, though the earth and clouds, often coming between, make it seem to us to vary, so God is unchangeable, and our changes and shadows are not from any changes or alterations in him. What the sun is in nature, God is in grace, providence, and glory; and infinitely more. As every good gift is from God, so particularly our being born again, and all its holy, happy consequences come from him.”
God can be trusted. In busy days. In long nights. “What the sun is in nature, God is in grace.” And I’m humbled He calls me His child.
The lightning bugs are gone. He starts school this week. She’s 4 months old already. And time really does move. Faster each year maybe.
And I don’t want to miss it; not a piece of this grace God has given.
Slow down. Step over toys. Read that book. Cuddle before bed.
“Taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8)
Stop. Embrace. Taste His goodness.
Today is a gift from His hand.
He hands me a letter for Maw-Maw and asks me to put it in the mail. It’s precious really. In a black crayon the words read, “I’m sorry Brenda passed away, but you will see her again.” No prompting of ours. All him. All that tender-heart he’s got.
The words are misspelled. Several letters are backwards. He struggles. I struggle. And thank God for a diagnosis. Knowing the problem is half the battle or so I’ve heard.
And I say to Jeremy, “At least he’s not writing mean things in perfect English.” Maybe it’s an attempt to justify myself and our choice to homeschool. Maybe I feel frustrated again. But it’s true. One day he may conquer this reading thing. I may be able to give him that. But a tender-heart? And a sensitivity to the needs of others? No. That’s a gift from God. One I beg Him to use in the future.
Yes, he needs a good education. Yes, we will keep working our rears off. But what is the true purpose of parenting? Is there more than what shows up on paper?
Thank You, Father, for this little boy. He is teaching me so much.
“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.” (Psalm 127:3-4)