I lay in bed til early morning watching shadows on our bedroom wall. No sleep came. After my last post, I’ve slowly felt myself “thawing out.” Maybe I’m not quite as numb as before. Maybe writing is my release.
Parts of this early “un-numbing” process have been fun. Laughter has been neglected around this busy house lately. How often do I go throughout the day offering the boys half-hearted smiles? When’s the last time I (you) really laughed? I’ve intentionally looked for joy.
I’ve also allowed myself to cry. Ugly, curl up in the corner of the closet cry. It’s been a long time. My emotions, laughter and tears, have been bottled up. Afraid to release. Afraid to enjoy life. Afraid to admit pain. The floodgates have opened!
It’s weird. All of it. I feel a little psycho writing this. But it’s a journey. And like all other journeys we’ve been on, I’m finding Christ’s presence sweet and His love consistent.
I’m also writing to share a little love with my hubby. Over the past few months he has lived with an emotional mess. I can’t count the number of times I’ve clammed up and chosen silence. Or the number of times he’s held me while I fell asleep. Just this week he’s put things aside to be near me; to be close when I needed it.
My natural inclination has always been to run. That’s why there’s numbness now. But Jeremy has always ran after me. He’s turned the car around and drove back home. He’s called me back on the phone. He’s never given up on me; on our marriage.
No, life hasn’t been easy. No, our marriage hasn’t been a bed of roses. But Jeremy has loved me faithfully. He’s loved me like Christ. I’ve seen the Gospel in him. He’s lived Ephesians 5:25 for our kids-“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
This quote from Ann Voskamp has spoken volumes-“The way to experience unlimited elation may be to imagine unexpected limitation.”
For Jeremy’s consistent love…for the Father’s perfect love…I am so thankful. They are gifts from above.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” (James 1:17)