If we could talk right now…

20 Nov

If we could talk right now here’s what I would say…

Because right now he’s making a card at the kitchen table, he’s eating baby snacks in the floor, and 3 are jumping on the trampoline in summer clothes.

Life is crazy. Some days I feel like I’m barely holding on. The sign in the kitchen says, “Life is not an emergency.” But it feels like that sometimes. I curse the sign and say yes it is.

He just wiped away tears as he quoted Psalm 40:16, 17 for his online teacher. We are done with school today. Maybe we want to be done for the year.

After struggling through the verses I watched him pick her up, carry her down the steps, and gently place her in the grass. I can’t teach that.

I don’t know where you are today. Maybe you’re scrambling to get a blog post typed before someone loses their mind. Maybe you’re thinking through lunch plans. Maybe all of this seems pointless.

You are not alone. You are loved more than you know. God is so, so faithful. Maybe your biggest burden and your biggest blessing are one and the same.

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!” As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!” (Psalms 40″16,17)



3 Nov

We met recently and I asked what she did. She works. She told me this quickly then added her impressive job title as if justification was needed. It wasn’t.

I’m a master of excuses. We homeschool (“I could never get the kids out the door.”) I can’t commit to that (“We have 5 kids.”). We can’t have all those people over (“The house is a wreck.”).

There is truth to most of my excuses. In fact, lots of them make complete sense and cross over from excuse to practicality.

But sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes I feel insecure. Sometimes I want to justify myself in front of you. So I answer your question then tell you the why. Weak sometimes. Strong sometimes. Mostly wondering what you are thinking.

Growing up I did lots of Bible studies on self-image. Read verse after verse. All of them have helped. But ultimately, there’s one reason I can look in the mirror each morning. There’s one reason I can be confident in what God has called me to in this present season.

It’s Him. I wrote it in my Bible in 6th grade…”I’m worth Jesus to God.”

He loves me so big. Even when I have big fear. Even when I’m looking for big approval.

I am His. So loved. So justified. And able to move in humble confidence because the God of this big universe gave up His only Son for me.

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:4,5)

FullSizeRender (1)

Watching football together…She loves her brothers!

New houses make for big messes!

15 Oct

He threw a wooden bullet across the room and put a dime-size dent in their wall. The windows are covered with little handprints. I can see smudges of dirt already in the carpet. We’ve been in this home for less than a month.

I looked around this morning and said out loud, “My life is a mess.” But it’s not. Not when I really think about it.

A messy house doesn’t have to mean a messy life. A busy day doesn’t have to mean a busy heart.

I can be at peace, deep inside, even when there is craziness on the outside. He can give me that, and we can live in peace.

Circumstances effect all of us. Lots of days I’m drinking Diet Pepsi and eating chocolate to make it through the 3-5 slump. But that doesn’t mean everything has gone bad. It doesn’t mean my life is spiraling crazy, and I’m truly going to lose my mind.

God is so faithful. He is always, only loving me. He loves these messy kids more than I do. He knows I love order, and calmness, and all things quiet.

But He’s also refining me. He’s using the messes to sanctify me and teach me total trust. It’s simple but profound.

Ahh…breathe deeply. Today is not an accident.

“Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to the gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.” (Isaiah 46:3,4)

photo 1 (33) photo 2 (30) photo 2 (33)

Grace Isn’t Working…

1 Oct

Grace just doesn’t seem to be working. I find myself slipping back into law. “No Kindle for you.” “No dessert after dinner.” It quickly becomes a rules/consequences home without me even realizing it.

I’m running from 1 baby to another, and the 3 older boys get leftovers. I don’t have time for the heart to hearts. It’s a quick jab, “Caleb, please stop doing that.” And if it continues then law follows.

I feel disappointed in myself as I write this. Satan waltzes in and empties me with words like “failure, hypocrite, fool.” I want to fight him but I don’t. I agree. Shake my head that yes, I am all of those things and more.

“But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags.” (Isaiah 64:6a)

I have nothing to offer our kids but grace. I’m a sinner. No good. Looking to law to justify myself and save them.


“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.” (1 Timothy 1:15)

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how to stop the crazy with 2 babies in order to deal with the sin that comes out of my older boys’ hearts. I don’t know what can change to make time for these necessary conversations.

But I can face today knowing that His grace is bigger than my law. My failure to obey the law is why grace is so big. And so ridiculous. And the only thing that will change me and the 5 little people that call me Mommy.

photo (34)

It’s how he rolls!=)

He just keeps loving…

21 Sep

It’s true that I’ve not posted in nearly a month. No excuses.

I’ve been overwhelmed by your support with our “book release” and didn’t know how to adequately say thank you. Honestly, we are amazed that people are reading it. God has been so faithful.

On a personal, side note we moved into our new home late last week. It’s been kinda crazy to say the least.

And the Summit’s Alamance Campus launches this coming Sunday (at 9:30 at Hawfields Middle School). We are so excited!

I’m writing this now sitting in our living room. There are no curtains. No living room furniture. Just us. And right now lots of quiet…Jeremy’s out and the kids are asleep.

And I’m so thankful. For a God who just keeps loving.

Ya’ll, there’s some pain right now. In the lives of some people we love. I just called my Mom boo-hooing. Even now my eyes sting from the tears.

We are currently in a semi-quiet spot. But others aren’t. They’re fighting giants. And asking questions. And God seems nowhere close. I want to say that yes, He’s there. But it feels so wrong. Because sometimes life spirals and God feels far.

Fear and faith always battle for my soul. Trials come. Fear comes. And faith fights back. Fights hard to remind us that God is only good. Nothing ever surprises Him. And we can believe it because of the cross. We can see His arms outstretched for us and believe that He loves us. Right now. No matter where we are. No matter what’s going on.

Tonight…I just need to type this…God is only good. Only. And He is so merciful and gracious, even in our questions.

“I will recount the steadfast love of the Lordthe praises of the Lordaccording to all that the Lord has granted us, and the great goodness to the house of Israel that he has granted them according to his compassion, according to the abundance of his steadfast love.” (Isaiah 63:7)

photo (33)

Just keeping it real for you!=)

Just another WordPress.com site

chatting at the sky

a place for your soul to breathe


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,008 other followers